This past Saturday, I landed on a lump of earth in the grass beside the road when I was running, my foot rolled under really hard and I broke my ankle. For anybody who’s been watching me on Twitter and Facebook the past few days, this is not news, because I’ve been bitching about it ever since. Sorry! I have also been continually attempting to figure out Plan B ever since learning that my ankle was broken and I had to use crutches to get around for at least the next month.
I’ve never used crutches before now. That hardest thing about it — and this is not something I ever considered before I was faced with it — is that it is NOT POSSIBLE to use crutches and carry anything at the same time. That one little fact has affected practically every part of my day and night. I never noticed how much crap I carried around with me from place to place until I couldn’t do it anymore. My sweet hubby hooked a cloth pouch to one crutch so I can carry my travel coffee mug, water bottle, etc., and dug out a backpack so I could put my purse and lunchbag in it to carry to work. He and the boy-child have been just wonderful, helping out and getting things for me so I don’t have to get up and down all the time.
So here are a few of the interesting things I’ve learned via my injury and the subsequent instructions for no weight bearing on that leg and using crutches:
- The ER staff are NOT KIDDING when they tell you not to go up and down steps using the crutches. Bad, bad idea.
- Going up the stairs backward on your ass with one leg in the air is great exercise for your triceps.
- When you go down the stairs on your ass (forward, because how stupid would you have to be to go backward?), your underwear will ride up, even boxer briefs, if you slide your butt instead of lifting it. Even a thong will ride up.
- Going down the stairs on your ass is easier if you slide instead of lifting.
- My purse is so big and overstuffed it barely fits in a backpack. I’m thinking it might be time to downsize…
- A plastic deck chair makes a perfect shower chair.
- Always check underneath your redneck shower chair before using it for showering, unless you want a frantic spider crawling up your thigh while you’re washing your personal areas.
- Crutches give you deltoids of steel!
As you can see, it’s been an interesting few days. I’m tired, I’m grumpy, my arms are sore and my ankle hurts like a bitch. But I’m trying my best to look on the bright side of things. I don’t need surgery, which is fantastic. I’m able to mostly go about my business, with modifications. I can’t run, but that won’t be forever. And as with any experience, I’ve learned from it, which is never a bad thing :)
Written by Ally Blue
Ally is a rich and famous author of hot gay manlove. She travels the world in her private jet, being waited on hand and foot by her team of pretty young men who bring her umbrella drinks and make out for her pleasure . . . Okay, so that's her dream life. Her novels of Manlove & Angst are mostly written in her living room, in between working at the Evil Day Job and doing Mom Stuff. Oh, the glamorous life of an author!
Visit The Author's Website