The other day, I read a blog (or article? I think it was a blog but my memory is terrible and I’m not positive) where a male author of gay romance was talking about whether or not m/m romance reflects the lived reality of most gay men. I’d link it but now I can’t remember who it was. Blargh, me and my stupid memory. Anyway, he wasn’t talking about whether or not women were capable of writing a good gay romance. His opinion is that we are. Rather, he was questioning whether m/m romances tend toward a more “heteronormative” ideal instead of a gay male reality, regardless of who writes them.
I’m not going to delve into that discussion here. My own opinion, for what it’s worth, is that people are all individuals and everyone wants different things from life. I’m not sure marriage, the picket fence and 2.5 kids is really the het dream anymore, seeing as how fewer and fewer straight people are getting married now, more and more parents are single by choice, and many couples choose to remain childless. I’m sure there are plenty of gay men who are looking for their one true love and a long-term commitment, just as I’m sure there are plenty of straight men (and women, for that matter) who aren’t and just want to play the field.
In fact, that’s the real thrust (ha, thrust **snicker**) of this week’s post — gay men vs straight men and what they want when it comes to love and sex.
For whatever reason, that blog I read about gay romance got me thinking about this subject. It’s something I ponder from time to time. Men are men, whatever their sexual preferences, right? Our society expects men to having a roving eye. We expect men to sleep around if they’re single, and to spend considerable energy resisting the urge to cheat if they’re partnered. There’s this further perception by a lot of people that gay men are promiscuous. Apparently there’s a segment of the gay male population for whom this is partly true, in that when they’re with someone both they and their partner expect to have an open relationship. Which is not to say that either of them would screw around all the time, just that they would be free to hook up with someone if they wanted, as long as they’re up front with each other about it.
The thing is, most men don’t fit into those boxes. In fact, what I’ve learned from my own experiences and those of my friends is that an awful lot of straight men are an awful lot more needy when it comes to relationships than most women. They need a lot of affection and validation, and they don’t want to let go when it’s time. I don’t know if it’s romantic or a power dynamic thing. It probably depends on the individual people and the situation. BUT, if straight men are actually all One Women Men and gay men aren’t (shut up, you know what I mean), then what does this mean when it comes to gay men and relationships? Does it mean anything at all? Does it mean that gay men are romantic and monogamous at heart just like straight men? (wow that sounds weird O_O) Or am I looking at the whole thing crooked? Are all men hound dogs who just want to have sexy times constantly, and it works between gay men because they’re all men and feel comfortable laying it all on the line with each other and nobody can get pregnant in that situation?
Okay, I’m rambling, sorry. People are fascinating, though, every time I start thinking about the complexities of human beings and our relationships I get myself into a tangle of questions like you see above. This is how my brain works. Be afraid. Also, contribute and tell me what you think! If you can understand what I said. Ha.
Written by Ally Blue
Ally is a rich and famous author of hot gay manlove. She travels the world in her private jet, being waited on hand and foot by her team of pretty young men who bring her umbrella drinks and make out for her pleasure . . . Okay, so that's her dream life. Her novels of Manlove & Angst are mostly written in her living room, in between working at the Evil Day Job and doing Mom Stuff. Oh, the glamorous life of an author!
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