Purveyors of Purple Prose

Our crit group is very active. We average thousands of posts each month. Much of it is very useful stuff about the WIPs or simply about holding each other up when something bad happens or when we need to vent.

However… some of it… well… goes awry

(what follows is actual clips from emails)

Jet: everyone knows what a standard motel room looks like, yes. but they don’t know that Randy’s tan looked amazing spread out on the rumpled white sheets. They don’t know that his hair was the same shades of brown in the confusing painting bolted to the wall above the bed. They don’t know that the bulk of him plus Randy couldn’t fit in the tub together. When you’re falling in love, the most mundane things lend to the magical. You know that!

JL: right but that would be in there. That is necessary stuff. I guess I’m thinking of prose as stuff not really needed like referring to a cock as a “purple headed warrior” LOL stuff like that. Unnecessary description, over flowery descriptions.

Luisa: *laugh* FSM!!! Purple headed warrior! I guess it’s going to ram its way into the fortress?

Willa: *coffeesnorts*

Jet: I feel the need to do a fantasy story where the hero’s armor is purple… with a helmet… O_O nah! too obvious :)

Luisa: I don’t think people would get it until he storms (head first) into the entrance of the bad guy’s lair (which should be located between two hills that just happen to be close together). The passage should be warm and snug. I don’t know what the bad guy is wearing when they meet, though.

Jet: hmmm, yes. and the hero will, of course, have to climb over/under two sizable boulders to get to said tight entrance. Hero needs a milky white sword too…

Luisa: And the bad guy needs to be a witch who enchanted the area, so he can sense that the hero is getting closer. The sword would, of course, be enchanted. No matter what happens, it will always remain rigid and powerful. Little does the hero know, but the bad guy has enchanted the passage. That sword will release some of its power when they finally
come together. It will probably regroup after they verbally spar for a bit, though.

JL: bushes! you need big green leafy bushes next to the entrance.

Jet: yes yes yes. Add Jen’s bushes, maybe a tall, proud tree growing up above the cave and the boulders.

Luisa: Yes! A mighty oak, under whose shade our hero studies the entrance to the cave. He leans against it, not knowing that the bad guy can feel his touch.

Willa: Oh god, my cheeks hurt from laughing! Gives “tree huggers” a whole new meaning O_O

Ally: **snorts wine** Stop it, y’all are killing me!!!!

Luisa: *pets* Everyone dies a little death when the Purple Warrior is around ;)

Ally: Oh FSM help me! **dies*

Luisa: the bad guy would help you. He wants to put a stop to the Purple Warrior’s habit of assaulting people and then running off. Course, once the Purple Warrior has faced him, I think he’s going to get attached. He likes the tunnel and the man who controls it.

(well, it amused us LOL)

Written by Jet Mykles

Jet is a writer of sexual fantasy with a firm belief that all men are at least partially gay, that vampires are just people with a liquid diet and shapeshifters live on every block.
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