Or: How the hell would *you* know?
Picking up on a thread from Jet’s post yesterday …
A while back, after the TTB antho came out, someone asked me where I learned about gay sex in order to be able to write it. In other words, hey straight lady, where’s your gay cred?
I have to admit that the question caught me somewhat flat-footed and without a coherent answer. I’m sure I stammered something or other along the lines of well I read a lot … and there’s always porn …
Totally lame, right?
After extracting my foot from my mouth and walking away I decided that this question was likely to come up again and that I had better get together some kind of answer that wouldn’t leave me sounding like an idiot. So I struggled for a few days trying to put together a reply, but everything I came up with either sounded equally lame or just plain defensive.
Then my husband, who was with me when the question originally arose, said, “If you were writing straight sex you’ve experienced that from only the female pov. So what’s the difference?”
My mouth literally fell open and I stared at him in complete surprise and thought: Why didn’t I think of that?
He’s a pretty smart guy, my husband. *g*
And it was that off-handed remark from him that set me on course and allowed me to formulate my answer to a question that is bound to be asked in the future. So here’s the deal. Let me know what you think and whether this makes sense to you as a romance reader.
Sure, the mechanics are going to be different for two men than for a man and a woman. But anyone who can do a little research, a.k.a. watch a little porn or read some books, can get the mechanics down without exerting a whole lot of effort. But in romance, be it gay or straight, it’s not the mechanics that really matter.
In the stories I write and the stories I like to read it’s the romance/falling in love that makes the story what it is, not whether tab A is going into slot B, or even whether there are two tab A’s instead of one.
It’s the emotion that fascinates me both as a writer and as a reader. It’s watching two people discover, or sometimes rediscover, love that makes romance so compelling. I love exploring all the possibilities when I’m immersed in a story. The vulnerability and defensiveness, the tender moments and the heated ones, the conflicts and the resolution, all captivate me and make each and every story a journey of discovery that is unique because the lovers are unique.
Of course I thoroughly enjoy the love scenes. For me those are my reward for doing all the work to get there. And I try to make it the same for my readers. You stick with the couple while they meet and dance and fuck and fight so that you can see them ultimately fall in love and choose to be together. In other words, find their HEA.
And for me as a writer and a lover of romance there’s nothing more satisfying than that. So that’s my cred.
Want to make something of it? *g*
Written by Kimberly Gardner
As early as the seventh grade, Kimberly remembers slashing her favorite rockstars and reading romance. So it’s not surprising that her two passions, romance and putting pretty boys with other pretty boys, should come together in her writing. Moliere said, “Writing is like prostitution. First you do it for love, then for a few close friends, then for money.” Kimberly is delighted to finally be doing it for money.
Visit The Author's Website
Lidyah wrote,
I agree with you, reading and watching is a form of education (obviously) so it doesn’t matter. The same can apply to anything in the world. I mean the creators of shows like House M.D. and ER, I’m pretty sure those writers aren’t doctors. So where are their creds in being able to write about medicine etc? By reading/watching.
Link | April 14th, 2008 at 5:22 pm
Zot wrote,
It’s a lot more than the sex, and honestly the bigger question is “can you write believable men?” If you can, a bit of time with some porn for the sex scenes and you’re fine. If you can’t then all the porn in the world isn’t going to help figure out how guys act and think.
Of course, even if you can write believable men, you may not want to. I assume that, just like straight guys who get off on lesbian porn where the women don’t actually act much like women, some of the women who like gay porn don’t really want the guys acting like guys. I’ve certainly been burned by enough ebooks where the guys made me wince but the books still sold well. (The fact that gay men aren’t the primary target, or the authors, of most of the gay romance novels amuses me. At least, it does when I don’t feel like I’ve blown six bucks on a bad time)
Link | April 14th, 2008 at 6:23 pm
Ally Blue wrote,
Zot, I think you may have brought up a whole new topic there *g* For me, I don’t want to see guys acting like alpha dogs, because I HATE those sorts of guys in fiction and in real life. Just can’t feel any empathy for that sort, really. Other than that I like for the individual characters to act like themselves, if that makes sense. Some people (men and women, gay and straight) are stoic and reticent; others are open and talkative and emotional. I like that same real-life variety in my reading material. But then I’ve always liked the oddballs so I know my views aren’t necessarily common.
In any case, yeah, the emotions are the important part. That’s what makes me connect with a book, or not. And they do have to be believable people, whatever their sex. It always throws me off if the characters act out of context with themselves, or if I don’t feel the connectioin between the two who are supposed to be falling in love. If it’s a romance, you gotta feel the luuuuuurve!
Link | April 14th, 2008 at 8:00 pm
Josh Lanyon wrote,
My personal observation is lady M/M writers spend way too much time and attention on sexual mechanics, and relatively little on getting the psychology right. Also, there seems to be an odd idea that there’s some universal Guy Truth that can be applied to all stories and all situations. Male characters need to be as varied and individual as female characters.
Josh Lanyon
MAN, OH MAN: Writing M/M Fiction for Kinks & Ca$h
Link | April 15th, 2008 at 7:39 pm
sarah wrote,
Josh,
As a realative newbie reader of m/m fiction. That this is not a fair observation. While I agree some of the women who write m/m dont get the pscychology right (those i dont read again). I have read plenty of male m/m that aren’t any better ( and those i dont read again). I think it comes down to the ability of the writer. And those who put their heart and sole into their work shows wether they are writing m/m or m/f. Of course the wonder thing about this world is that not everyone likes the same things and can have different opinons thats is what should make it great and interesting so we can have these little debates…..
Sarah
An avid reader and terrible writer…lol
Link | April 16th, 2008 at 8:00 am
lisabea wrote,
WHAT! No universal GUY TRUTH? DAMN.IT. Don’t you all like beer nuts and football? No?
::back to the drawing board::
I like my dudes to be self reliant and strong and funny and smart aleck-y. I like those Beta males with grit. I pick my books accordingly.God knows I love me some spicy sexorin (what? me?), but it isn’t everything. It’s the freaking big picture that counts, right? This gender question drives me nutty. I don’t think gender matters as much as the ability to tell the story. On every level. Both men and women suck at this equally.
Link | April 16th, 2008 at 2:03 pm
Laura Baumbach wrote,
Erotic romance is fictional fantasy–dreams lovers. That’s why my men talk a lot about their feelings. It’s fiction!
kidding, ….a little
Keep them men and write them they the way they tell you to write them and I think it works, at least for me.
Link | April 16th, 2008 at 7:52 pm
JL Langley wrote,
Well personally, I like my men to act like men, but Josh and Ally brought up a great point, no two men and/or women are alike. I always get women complaining about the “reality” of my M/F stuff (not that I write it very often). And, ummm, I think, as a female I’d know if it were true or not, so that to me really drives home that point that people are different. I always say, “it depends on the character.” So I have to go with Laura on this one, but then I’m a very character driven writer, so take that for what it’s worth.
Link | April 18th, 2008 at 10:33 am