Time Travel checklist

So, I’m on my way to dinner with Andre and all of a sudden, out of the blue, it occurs to me, if I were to time travel there are certain things I’d need to take care of first. Yes, I know, I’m weird. Andre told me so at the time. Forget that Time Travel is impossible for a moment and think about it. Aren’t there certain things you’d need? For me the big ones would be:

1) having a hysterectomy or, if I couldn’t convince the doc of that, a tubal ligation. But lets face it who would want to deal with that without tampons. Gross, yeah, but necessary I’d say. That isn’t even considering some historical issues like certain Native American tribes, put women in isolation when they menstruated. I know I don’t want to be put in a tent with other women in the same predicament. Frankly, I’m amazed anyone made it out alive. And what about Pregnancy? Uh, no thank you! Anyone want to go through a pregnancy without the modern technology and medicines? Historically some cultures banned a woman from church and certain other things after giving birth because she was seen as “unclean”. Then there is the whole packing the vagina with moss and such after giving birth. Yeah, so you get my point, gross but necessary in my opinion, cause who knows what time period you might end up in.

2) for me, lasik. Yes, I’m that blind. I can not function without corrective lenses and am technically legally blind without them.

3) study chemistry, or better yet take a chemistry book with me.

4) learn karate. I might not have access to a firearm.

5) an A&P book and a good medical tome.

6) a book of flora and fauna. Hey, I have no clue what’s poisonous in say Scotland or heck even the northern United States for that matter. Not to mention it might be nice to know about herbs and narcotic plants…Not that I’m a junky, but if I’m going to operate on someone, or better yet if they are gonna operate on me, I want morphine! or something equivalent.

7) A really good disguise. A realistic fake mustache and something to bind my boobs with. Lets face it in certain eras it would just plain suck to be a woman.

8) chocolate. I need Hershey’s recipe. Not just any recipe, I need it from raw materials to Hershey Bars, to kisses, etc. Otherwise I’d be written up in history books rivaling Genghis Khan, Napoleon, and Hitler. No one wants to see me without my daily chocolate fix…it’s darn right scary.

So tell me, what things would you have to have before time traveling?

Written by JL Langley

JL is a full-time writer, with over ten novels to her credit. Among her hobbies she includes reading, practicing her marksmanship (she happens to be a great shot), gardening, working out (although she despises cardio), searching for the perfect chocolate dessert (so far as she can tell ALL chocolate is perfect, but it requires more research)
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