POV shifts and errors

I’m not sure if this blog entry qualifies as rant or writing tips, but here goes. I’m in the process of reworking parts of WC and adding to it. It’s going great and I’m enjoying it, very much. I’ve got it slotted to return to my editor in 2 weeks time. The nice thing, is, I’m taking my time and enjoying the process. Which also means I’ve been doing some reading lately. YEA! Quite a change from the past two months, when I was fretting over WC. However, there is a bit of bad news. Working with editors, or perhaps I should say GOOD editors, has ruined writing for me.

I gotta tell you, I really don’t get the hype and the prestige of being an NY pubbed author, because frankly I’m pretty darn unimpressed. Out of the fifty or so authors I read before, there are only three or four I can read without cringing. That said, I must commend Mary Balogh. She remains on the top of my must buy list. Not only is she a fine story teller, but she knows her craft. She has excellent writing skills and apparently her editors know their stuff as well. The biggest issues I’m finding are pov (point of view) shifts and pov errors. What do I mean? I’ll show you.

POV errors:

She didn’t see the loving look he gave her and she swept past him.

O_O What? No, no, no. The author just freaking said the heroine didn’t see it! So why is it mentioned? It’s the heroine’s pov and if she didn’t see it, SHE DIDN’T SEE IT! Therefore she can’t think it and inform the reader, because she has no freaking clue the hero was “watching her lovingly.”

Jamie ran his hand through his gorgeous wavy black locks and fluttered his pretty blue eyes.

Ok, assuming we are in Jamie’s pov. This is wrong, wrong, wrong. How often do you think to yourself, “my gorgeous wavy locks” or “your pretty eyes”? I don’t know about you but I don’t think about my looks in such a casual way. I may note that my hair is black when I brush it out of my eyes, but then I have long hair and I can “SEE” the black strands. But still that’s just not that natural in my opinion. I don’t think descriptions of myself in a general kind of way in my normal thoughts.

Also, there is another glaring mistake that I should mention or Sasha (my editor) will disown me. Eyes don’t flutter. Eyelids do, but not without a person controlling them. So it should read: “Jamie fluttered his eyelashes.”

POV shifts:

I don’t have issue with using more than one pov, as long as it’s done correctly. What is correctly? I guess it depends. There is such a thing as unlimited omniscience POV. Which essentially is using everyone pov whenever the mood strikes. Personally, I find it annoying in the extreme.

Chay climbed behind the wheel of his truck and waited for Bit to get in. His procrastination made Chay worry, but soon Keaton slid in next to Chay so close as he could feel Chay’s warmth. He loved sitting close to Chay.

Yeah I know, lame, but hopefully you get the point. You have two povs in the same paragraph. I’ve even seen it done in the same sentence. It annoys the crud out of me. POV shifts every other paragraph also drives me crazy.

Personally, I like one pov per scene. I’ll bend the rules on love scenes, especially with M/F but I don’t like to, it drives me insane. But it’s the only way I can write het romance. The readers are primarily women and they prefer the heroines pov ina sex scene. I don’t care what the female is feeling in a sex scene, I’ve been there done that, I know what if feels like, woopty doo! I want the man’s pov. But that’s just me and my personal quirk. So, I compromise in M/F and give the reader what they want and myself what I want. Or at least I used to, until pov shifts started bugging me so badly. Now I find that I try to split the love scenes. Half of them go in the heroine pov and half go in the heroes….maybe. Maybe not. I do scenes in the pov of the character most impacted by the scene.

Okay I’ve ranted enough. But now I’m curious. What technical things bother you when you are reading?

Written by JL Langley

JL is a full-time writer, with over ten novels to her credit. Among her hobbies she includes reading, practicing her marksmanship (she happens to be a great shot), gardening, working out (although she despises cardio), searching for the perfect chocolate dessert (so far as she can tell ALL chocolate is perfect, but it requires more research)
Visit The Author's Website