On the Radiohead message board I used to frequent (and still visit when I have time), we used to have the best thread EVER. It was called “Blame Chris Martin”. How it worked was, whenever something was going horribly wrong in our lives — or if we were just slightly irritated about something — we would go to the thread, vent it all, and blame Chris Martin (Coldplay frontman, for those who don’t know; he wants to be Thom Yorke sooooooo bad). Nothing in the world makes you feel better about your problems than blaming someone else for them! Especially someone who can’t find you and hurt you :D
So, this here is the Blame Chris Martin Venting Thread. Come one, come all, blame Chris Martin for all your problems and be rid of them forever! I’ll start:
I can’t find the receipt for my daughter’s glasses! I need that so the insurance will pay for them like they’re supposed to! GIVE ME MY RECEIPT, CHRIS MARTIN! I KNOW YOU HID IT, YOU EVIL PERSON! Who names their kid Apple, anyway?? Huh.
See how easy that is? Now you try!
Written by Ally Blue
Ally is a rich and famous author of hot gay manlove. She travels the world in her private jet, being waited on hand and foot by her team of pretty young men who bring her umbrella drinks and make out for her pleasure . . . Okay, so that's her dream life. Her novels of Manlove & Angst are mostly written in her living room, in between working at the Evil Day Job and doing Mom Stuff. Oh, the glamorous life of an author!
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Ines wrote,
Can I blame Chris Martin for having the FC Barcelona stadium next to my house??? Can I?
Because today there is a soccer match, AND both team followers are making noise with horns and shit since 14.00 or so!
Link | August 29th, 2007 at 10:31 am
Ally Blue wrote,
Of course you! That’s why this discussion is here, so we can all blame Chris Martin for our problems :D
That cruel, conniving bastard, putting a stadium next to your house!
**kicks Chris Martin in the kneecaps**
Link | August 29th, 2007 at 10:44 am
Ines wrote,
Thank you! I’ll have you in mind if I ever need a bodyguard LOL
Link | August 29th, 2007 at 11:16 am
Ines wrote,
Can I blame Chris Martin again? Eleven hours later, there are some persistent one’s that do not want to go to bed!!!!
Link | August 29th, 2007 at 3:52 pm
Ally Blue wrote,
LOL! Yep, blame Chris Martin all you want :D
Link | August 29th, 2007 at 5:14 pm
Chrissie wrote,
why is it that i can’t get my work done today. I work at home. First i overslept then the dishes needed to be done, then before i knew it lunch had to be made. Now somehow I’m not sure how its five in the afternoon and I’m still not done. Chris Martin I know its your fault. You turned off my alarm didn’t you? and then you built a machine that speeds up time so i wouldn’t have enough time to finish my work. No don’t try to deny it. I know it was you
Link | August 30th, 2007 at 2:19 pm
Ally Blue wrote,
OMG he’s eviller than I thought! Stupid Chris Martin, quit making people not get their work done!
Link | August 31st, 2007 at 5:12 am
Ines wrote,
It seems that he has the ability to multiply himself, as “my” Chris Martin was encouraging the hooligans in Barcelona!
Beware! He could appear wherever you are
Link | August 31st, 2007 at 8:49 am